We Need To Change

A friend on Facebook shared a post one of their friends made. In a nutshell, they basically asked the question: How can we expect those of other races to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves? This is concerning the fallout of Paula Deen using then n-word supposedly only one time many years ago and how people on social media sites have gone after the young lady who was the last one to talk to Trayvon Martin. She is a young woman who is 19 and still in high school and admittedly cannot read cursive writing. I have chosen not to look up what is being said about the young lady but I am quite positive that people have been pretty harsh. So I think the bigger question that needs to be asked why cannot she not read cursive writing? Then my next question is that a skill that we really need to have? I mean let’s take an honest look at this. We rarely write letters anymore. We don’t use cursive when we do write. None of the social media is in cursive. Everything is in print not cursive so is it really bad that she can’t read cursive? I wonder what has happened in her life that she is still in high school. Is she the product of a broken home or a subpar school system. I think it is really sad that the first thing that most people can do is point out her short comings and harp on them. None of us are perfect and I am sure that if we were in her same position that we would not be at our best. It is so easy for folks to hide behind social media and talk down on someone but it could be just as easy to show support. So I ask the question again, how can we expect others to respect us if we attack a young sister who is in a difficult situation?
I think we need to reevaluate how we treat each other.

Community Wealth Creates

I have been taking a class in this semester titled African American Family. I wasn’t sure how this class would be because I knew it was the first semester that this class has been offered. There are many aspects that have resonated with me but one thing that we covered that really caught my attention was when we went over wealth in the African American community. It was interesting to me because I have been, in the last year or so, looking for ways to increase my families’ wealth not just the income. I have gotten involved with a couple businesses that encourage training and changing the way we think about obtaining wealth.

One thing that really stood out to me was this idea: To obtain individual wealth, it requires community wealth. I had even asked one day in class why was it important to that African Americans “reach back” when they become successful and then something was explained. The reality is somebody who has become successful did not do it without the help of someone or many people. An example that was given: If Tom, a successful Caucasian CEO, has a position available within his company, he will most likely tell his family and friends before he tells a stranger or even releases it to the public. But if James, a successful black CEO, has a position within his company, he is more likely to release it to the public so that a complete stranger will have the opportunity to get the job before someone he knows will. At first, I was a bit offended by this statement but when I sat down and really looked at this objectively it turned out to be true. Of course, not in all situations but it occurs quite often. Why do we (African Americans) feel that it is not appropriate to help our own?

Do we think it is showing favoritism? Tom is not worried about how it appears so why should we? Why not give someone you know the opportunity to better themselves or provide a better living for their family? I mean really is that so wrong? I don’t know but I can be honest and say that I have thought sometimes about not helping someone in my race because I felt that they wouldn’t appreciate it or capitalize on the opportunity. That is so wrong but I can honestly admit that I have thought it.

So I know its cliché, but I am going to say it. I am starting with me. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” So I am making the effort to volunteer and work to actually improve my community and not just complain about the problems. It is easy to sit and say that there needs to be some improvement within the community but it would make more sense if I contributed to the solution. I am not real sure how I will do this but I do have some leads and will make the effort to improve my community and not just my immediate family. I want to be an example and provide my community with a true role model.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!

 

 

Write It Down

A few weeks back, I begin my first semester back at a university and I soon realized that I needed some help. I knew that the study habits I had used in the past were not going to cut  it because I was not the same student I was when I went to college for the first time. I have been back in school since 2005 and I just recently decided to try and get my bachelor's.

At the same time, I have been working with a couple of businesses. I am learning to set goals and make plans.Through the training from both companies there has been an emphasis on setting and achieving those goals. I was trying to do certain things they suggested but things were not working out the way I was expecting them to.

One thing I got from both is that in order to keep up with and be accountable you must simply WRITE IT DOWN! I didn’t think it mattered much but I soon learned that this simple task can create some great results.

So I guess new mantra is: WRITE IT DOWN!

That includes goals, ideas, dreams, wants, groceries, anything that I cannot do at the moment I think of it needs to be and will be written down.

Writing it down allows you to revisit and actually complete your goals. I know for me this has helped a great deal because in my head I will say “I will do it later” or “I will remember to do it” and later never comes. So in discovering this technique I know that the things I want to complete, will be completed because all I have to do is read.

So I will end this post by saying: WRITE IT DOWN!!! and make things happen!

LOVE AFFAIR IS GONE

The love affair is gone but I can’t seem to let go. My little dude is thirteen months and breastfeeding has run its course for me but I am having a hard time doing what I need to do to stop the process. I have sought advice, researched and even attempted to stop breastfeeding him but it seems that I am finding it hard to do. These kids have made me SOFT! Before kids, I remember saying things like “I will just stop it when I am ready”, “my child ain’t gonna be like that” (bad grammar intended), and other stuff like that because I thought it was easy to “control” a child. I think my parents made it look easy because I was difficult but I would eventually do what they wanted and pretty quickly. (My parents may disagree with the last statement…LOL.) My desire is to stop breastfeeding but this is not my son’s desire at all. He doesn’t breastfeed as much as he used but he very determined when he wants it. On one hand, I feel like I superstar because he prefers mommy’s milk; on the other hand, I feel confined and I want to be FREE! I do so love that I have been able to breastfeed him this long because I wasn’t able to at all with my first and my second only breastfed for three months. In my previous post, I raved hopelessly about breastfeeding and it has been a wonderful experience but I think I want my body back now (and so does my husband!) I am so thankful that he has been wonderfully supportive of me and my decision to want to breastfeed. Even though he tells me now he wasn’t really happy about it at first, he has always been supportive to my face. I am not really sure if I can stop until he is ready but I will be making the attempt to this week. Should I be asking God to help with this process? I mean am I being selfish because I want to stop? That is what I am supposed to do, right? The dilemma of being a breastfeeding mom!

Upon My Graduation (I WILL GRADUATE)

I am not sure what exactly I will be doing to impact the community but I do know that I will impact my immediate community, which includes my three sons. I want to show them that they can accomplish anything no matter how the odds are stacked against you. I have circumstances that some would look at as great obstacles and probably would give up on pursuing a degree but I am using them instead as fuel to move me ahead. I want my kids to be everything that they can be because I take my role as a parent/mother very seriously. I look at my children and I already know that they will change the world for the better. I want those around me to see that with determination you can accomplish your dreams. It has taken me many years to get a degree but I know that once I receive it, I will surely appreciate it more than if I had gotten it when I was younger. I am pursuing a degree in Sociology and I am still not sure about a minor but it will most likely be English since I plan on pursuing writing as a career. I am hoping that through studying sociology I will learn about what makes people tick so that what I write and share with the world can easily be interpreted and understood. It is my desire to uplift, inspire and provide a break from reality for my readers. I want to share the things that have helped my through my difficult times. Inspiring people with my God given gift of writing is my ultimate goal. I will leave you with a sample of my writing:

The process is ongoing

See I am still me

My outlook is different

Can’t you see?

No matter if you don’t

I know there is a difference

Because a while ago

I would’ve gotten mad

‘Cause you didn’t see

Makes me no never mind

The difference is there

The difference from then ‘til now

I truly do not care

About what you may think of me

Or what you think you see

Just that I am happy

With the changes in me

On Being An Adult

So my oldest asked if it was hard being an adult and my first quick response was yes! But then I begin to think about it and came to the realization that being an adult is not hard but the choices you make when you are young can make being an adult harder than it needs to be. One thing I believe people should take into account is it is okay to learn from others mistakes. While it is very true that we all must live and learn, it is also quite okay to watch someone else live and learn from their mistake. You don't have to experience everything and everything is not worth experiencing. Let's just say that I wish that I knew what I knew now. I mean I have no regrets but there are some things I would have done that I was afraid to do. I want my kids to have the confidence to do whatever they want and I want them to be happy. So I can honestly say that being an adult is not hard. The decisions you make throughout life determine that.

EMAIL CONFIDENCE

I want EMAIL CONFIDENCE. You may be wondering what EMAIL CONFIDENCE is. Well let me explain. In email, I can be very confident and assertive without being aggressive if that makes sense. But if I am speaking to you in person, I have to search for words and I tend to be quite shy about getting my point across to someone.  This is the case in some situations for me.  In emails, I can be so confident and get my point across so well but it would be like a totally different person if I were to ask or present the topic in person. Sad but true. As I am writing this, I am wondering if it is just about confidence or just being prepared. I can say that when I go into a situation thinking that I am prepared but it becomes quite clear that I am not when I begin to speak. It is quite frustrating because you always want to appear to be put together and on top of things. My husband suggests that I practice speaking but can that truly help when you have to talk about or present something out of the blue? Maybe it can if you want it to. I wonder why I have such a hard time doing this because I have all figured out in my head but when comes time to say it I can sound like an idiot. Maybe that is a bit harsh but that is how I feel at times. I can know about something and be confident in my knowing but when it comes to sharing I feel like people will look at me and wonder “what makes her such an expert?” or “why should I take what she says seriously?”. I know that it doesn’t help to feel this way but it is how I feel. I want that EMAIL CONFIDENCE!

EMAIL CONFIDENCE

To Edify or Not to Edify...What It Means

ed·i·fy 2
/ˈedəˌfī/ 

Verb 

Instruct or improve (someone) morally or intellectually.

Synonyms: educate 

This is an important word in a successful relationship. If you are not feeding you partner emotionally, intellectually, and physically then your relationship will not grow. A marriage cannot improve without some gardening taking place. You have to make sure your partner knows how you feel about them daily. Sometimes just saying I love you IS not enough. Let them know that you are the happiest person on earth because they are in your life. Tell them that you thank God daily for Him allowing the two of you to meet and become one. Tell them that you appreciate everything they do for you and your family. Let them know you noticed the little thing they did. All these things matter. Even if your partner seems like they don't care about it, they do. Edifying your mate is merely fertilizing your marriage garden. Fertilizer is an essential part of gardening. If you don't fertilize your garden, it may grow but not at it's best. If you fertilize the garden with the wrong stuff, it won't grow. The wrong stuff to fertilize your marriage with is complaining, nagging, ignoring, belittling, talking behind their backs. I think you get what I am saying. But when you fertilize with love, understanding, praise, encouragement, listening, your marriage garden has no other choice but to flourish. Take some time and think about your relationship. Have you edified your partner today?

Changing My Thought Process

This year has already been quite interesting. It has been going by so fast and my baby boy is growing so fast. He is doing things already that I don't think he should be. Anyways, I have began the process of owning my own business. I have became a consultant for Organic Life Products. It was started by a wonderful lady named Montina Portis who I became aware of on YouTube (aka Sparkwisdom). I watched her for a year before filling out the application to be a consultant. I am now working to build my business and introduce what I do to those around me. We are encouraged to get training from a young lady named Dani Johnson and she is awesome. Very blunt and honest. Sometimes you just need to hear it that way. I am in the process of changing the way I think. I figure if I have thought this way all my life and it hasn't gotten me anywhere then why not try and change it. Dani Johnson has so many aspects of life that she speaks on. I haven't even begun to listen to her other stuff just been listening to what she has to say on business.

What if being successful is all in the way you think? Why not change it or at least give it shot? What you (myself included) are doing now is apparently not working for you so why not change it up? We get into our comfort zones and instead of moving around or trying something different we complain and buy lottery tickets or complain and hope that the world around us changes because we want it to. I mean really DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

So I am doing something different and I would like for you to check it out. So click below:

Dee Naturals Organic Life Products

BreastFeeding-LOVE IT

It has been two and half months since I gave birth to my third son. I am in love again and its crazy how much love I have for this child. It amazes me that I can love yet another child. Before he was born, I decided that I was going to breastfeed him no matter what. I started out breastfeeding my second son but didn’t really see the benefit and stopped after three months. Really wish I hadn’t done so. I think because I was still young I expected everything to work like the stories I had been reading but of course every story is different and individual experiences are not going to be the same.  I was expecting the weight to just fall off but it did not and I became frustrated and just stopped. How selfish was I? But like I said I was still a young mom (22). Before my third one came along, I made the decision to stick with it even once I went back to work.  This time around it has been awesome. I have support from everyone and it is great. At first I was a little uneasy with breastfeeding around my older kids, but because it didn’t seem to bother them I became more at ease. I am pumping for when I am away at work and everything is working out well. I am just working to build up a stash though; finding that to be a little difficult.  I have lost all the baby weight I gained and then some but this time it really wasn’t about me losing weight but me providing my baby with what he needs. I am enjoying the process. I love to feed him and have him look up into face as if to say, “Thanks mom”.  Not knocking anyone who formula feeds but I see the difference with my older two kids and my youngest already. There are truly some great benefits for him in breastfeeding. I would suggest to all new moms to at least try it. 

Building My Confidence

So this year I would like to do something that I always seem to avoid. I am going to work on my confidence. Let’s see if I can explain my dilemma. I know that I am capable of doing certain things but I am afraid that when it comes time for me to perform that I won’t be up to par. My latest lack of confidence in myself is applying for a job that actually has to do with what I am going to school for. I was a little intimidated when I begin to apply for the job because of the questions that they asked. They begin to ask my experience with the programs that will be heavily relied on to do the job. I guess it’s the way I work. I learn how to do things through trial and error but if I was asked specifically how to do something it may take me awhile to explain. I know that I can do it but I become so unsure about myself. This is how it has always been. I have always been unsure about myself when “people are looking”. When there is no one looking at me, I can do what I need to do with no problem and feel confident about the quality of my work. I don’t know how I am going to build my confidence but I think I will start by applying for the job.

2011 The Year of NEW

2011 was the year of NEW for my family and I. We did so many new things that it really surprises me. I mean we are a laid back group of people and kind of just go with the flow but last year we tried some new things and it proved to be an awesome year.  We started off the year getting a new vehicle and that was great. It was awesome to get a lower car note. We then began planning our first family vacation – New York. This was very new for us because the farthest we had gone as family on trips was to my family’s hometown in Louisiana. It would be the first time that my kids would fly and I was truly worried about that but it turned out they did much better than I thought they would. They were really unimpressed it seemed but they did enjoy seeing the clouds from above. Before the vacation though, we found out that we were pregnant and even though it was kind of planned, it still surprised us. I felt like because I was ten years older than what I was when I had my first two, I thought it was going to be much harder to get pregnant. So on our family vacation we were four and half because I was five months pregnant. That was also new thing traveling while pregnant. I will say I was worried for nothing but it was a bit uncomfortable being a plus size woman.  That is a whole other post though.  So right before I had our third son, we moved into our first house. There is nothing like your first house. We don’t have to worry about any body above us or below us. It is quite nice. And then the major finale of 2011, me giving birth to our 10 lb 9 oz baby boy after Thanksgiving. So wasn’t expecting him to be such a big guy. So that was a quick overview of the year we had last year. I can’t wait to see what this year holds for us – me and my crew.

  

Real Mothers

Okay so I have not made a post in awhile. I will be working on improving that once the semester is over. I wanted to address this topic though so I wouldn’t forget.  I admit that sometimes I waste my time and watch Teen Mom and Pregnant at 16. They are really a shame to me that these girls continue to have children at such young ages. But I don’t understand is them making it harder than they really have it. Now not all of them have true family support but most do. On Friday on Good Morning America, I watched them salute a mother who begin being a mother when she was 18 to her brothers and sisters after their mom passed away. Her mom asked her to keep the family together and I believe that it was a total of nine and then she got married and had six of her own. That would be a total of 15 children that she raised and did without a whole bunch of money or anything out of the ordinary.  I watch as these girls complain about everything from not being able to go out or something petty and I think really? You are getting paid to allow cameras follow you around and yet you still complain about petty crap.  I know motherhood at a young age is hard but you guys are ahead of the game by getting paid the amount of money it takes most of us years to get to and at 16 you are getting paid for not making good choices.  I really would suggest these girls really take time to look at their situations objectively and realized how blessed they truly are.  Motherhood is not an easy job by any means but you laid down knowing what could come of it so stop whining and do what you have to.  I am now stepping down off my soapbox and would like to wish everyone a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

You Don’t Like My Natural Hair…Oh Well

So you meet someone and everything seems to be going fine. Then all of sudden he tells you that he is not feeling your fro. What to do? Personally chunk the deuce. You cannot allow someone to change you because they don't like one thing about you. So you don't like my natural hair and you instead would like me to go back to poisoning my body on a regular basis? So I guess that means we can't be together if that is the deal breaker. In the natural community, there has been buzz about Method Man saying that he could not date a woman who has natural hair because their hair is not "did". My response to that is he doesn't know what it takes to take care of my fro and keep it healthy. So I will say that his ignorance really doesn't bother me at all. If you can't be with someone because of their hair then maybe you are not ready to make a commitment to someone. I am lucky to have a man who loves my natural hair and sometimes I think he loves it more than I do. He is not a fan of my product junkism but I am working on that. Method Man's remarks didn't hurt my feelings. It just lets me know that he does not know what having natural hair is all about. So that is my position and I am sticking to it.

No Compromise before Marriage

I don't know if this will make sense but I don't think you should compromise before marriage. Your significant other asks you to do something that you don't agree with then maybe this is not the one for you. When you are married to someone compromise is something that is a given so if you willing to compromise on something you just don't agree with then you are not ready for marriage. To me compromise is a gift reserved for your partner for life not just some random dude. Just like sex. If I am not your wife then you don't the benefits of me being your wife. My duties as a wife don't start until I say I do nor do your duties as a husband. I really don't understand how a person can expect so much before the vows have been. Vows are much stronger than a promise. You make those vows in front of God and they are expected to be kept. Expecting a person to change the way they think and what they believe is not a sign of maturity. Your spouse to be has to know that you will respect their values and beliefs and not try and change them to what you want them to be. Run the other way if the person is trying to change you.

New Year Changes, Not Resolutions

Four more days until the New Year and I think this year will be the year for change for me. One goal I have is to not have idle time. This means I want my days to be filled up with activities and not just sitting around watching the days go by. I want to have a productive year and do some things that will better me and my family. I want to be a more positive person and not just look for the negatives in a situation. I really hope I can accomplish this. Of course, I want to lose weight but I am really trying to make the effort now to began instead of waiting for January 1, 2011. I have to give up some things which is proving to be very hard. I want to reconnect my relationship with God and find a church home for my family. Somewhere that I feel comfortable and not afraid of people just trying to be in my business. I want my kids to have the foundation I had and know that they must put their trust in God and not in man. That is a whole other post which may be coming real soon. I want to continue my education. I feel like I have found the degree that I want and I am doing really well in the program. It took me a long to find it but I am glad I finally did. This year I also would like to start the process of getting out of debt. It really is no fun being in debt. I look forward to the year ahead and all the challenges that it will bring. I know those challenges are set forth to make me a better person, wife and mother.

Your Life Experiences Don’t Make You an Expert

We all go through things in our lives but that doesn't make you an expert. My experiences don't make me an expert on being a parent or a wife; they do allow me to be able to offer advice on what has worked for me. When I give advice, I don't expect the person to do the exact same thing I did. I just want to offer that person an option. People ask advice because they really just want options. You cannot go into a conversation like you know everything. Sometimes it's good just to listen. You can learn a lot from people, even if you don't think you can. I am wondering how a person can come to the conclusion that you know everything when the reality is you have only hit the tip of the iceberg. I have only lived one life which means to me that every other person has been through something that I may never have. I know that some people just don't get that and think their life experiences make them an expert on everything. That to me is sad because it means that you are learning from one point of view. Simply put sometimes it's good to just shut up and listen. But hey you can't make everyone listen.

30-Something Now

Ok so I am officially 30-something and I don't really know if anything has changed. I did find a few more gray hairs and I know I added a few pounds because of all the cake I ate. There will probably be more of those since Thanksgiving is this week. I have been thinking about something in particular though. Let's see if I can put this into the right words to get my point across. We all have desires, things that we want but we don't always know how to get them. We pray and ask God to give this to us and we know he will provide but it seems like he is not answering that particular prayer. I have been thinking about this for about a week now and I recently had a revelation. If you want the desires of your heart you have to start living like you already have them. If you know an aspect of your life is not compatible with the life you want then you have to take the steps to move forward and not keep the old habits that you know will not fly in the life you desire. I hope this makes sense. I am working on this with my finances and my weight loss goals. Even though I have not actually started practicing this with the weight loss, I am taking notes on what I need to get rid of so I can accomplish my goals. I want to be the best that I can be and I know that I have to make some changes to achieve those goals. So what I am trying to say is please take inventory and be realistic on things that are hindering your progression. Be honest with yourself and know that you have to make changes. So that is what I have been on my mind. I hope this helps someone because it helped me.

Good Can Win

A few Saturdays ago was supposed to be just a family day and it was but we also ended up being part of a beautiful thing. We went to a comedy and magic show at the Improv. They said that they were taping for a DVD but it was too many cameras. As we were walking in, the bus from Extreme Makeover Home Edition was driving up. I didn't think anything of it. We went in and went to our seats and the show began. There was a family sitting down from us that I took notice to because they were all natural. The mom had a beautiful fro with an orange flower, the father had some long dreads and each of the daughters, five in total, all had sets of dreads that were beautifully styled. As the show started, the first act came out and did his set. I was continuing to think that there were way too many cameras for a DVD. After the first act was done, the host came out to introduce the next act. He said where ever this next act goes they always bring the house down and out comes Ty and the gang and of course it is for the beautiful family in the front. They then showed their story and exactly why they were chosen to get their house built by the show. They are family counselors for the community they live in. They also would take the kids in the neighborhood out to a theme park on their own dime so they could have a day of fun. It was just nice to see a family so deserving getting their just due. Very encouraging to see kindness being rewarded.

http://www.culturemap.com/newsdetail/07-25-10-no-joke-goodhope-street-home-revealed-as-extreme-makeover-houston-rebuild-choice/

It’s Time…

Ok so this semester is over and it was really stressful. I only took two classes but my husband took a full load plus he was doing projects and was gone a lot on the weekends. My kids and I did not enjoy this but we did make it through. So I have been thinking about this topic for a long time and I just hadn't the energy to sit down and type it up. I really don't now but it is my blog and I would like to keep it going. I have been married for 10 years (on Wednesday) and it has always been me and husband and a child or two. When you saw one of us, you saw all of us. There was only one time when that wasn't true and that may be another post. Anyways, this year was really the first time that we were not around each other that much and it drove me nuts. I found myself becoming really needy and wanting to be around him as much as I could and not wanting to share him with anyone but it was out of my hands and it was really nothing I could do about it. He had projects to do for school or he would be helping someone with their project. So I had to realize that I couldn't have him all the time. Then it hit me. It was time for me to do my own thing like he was doing. Easier said than done because I am having a fit now because he is not home. Didn't say that I was executing my revelation but at least I am aware. My only problem is I am not sure what my "thing" is. Yeah I want to write but this will be the first time that I am not occupied with school or something and I actually have time to write. Now I am searching for ideas on what to write but I am determined to write. I am trying to identify myself not just as his wife or their mother but as me. I love being the wife and mother but the kids will be gone soon and I don't want to drive my husband crazy even though sometimes that is fun…lol! So I am on a search for my "thing". I like my natural hair and my husband has suggested that I start making YouTube videos but I am not sure I can bring anything new to the table. I am determined to have fun on this search so who know what I will get into.

Thanks for reading…